


In The Mirror.

by lizibabes



Series: kink bingo [31]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: M/M, Sex, Swearing, body image issue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-22
Updated: 2012-06-22
Packaged: 2017-11-08 08:16:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/441116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizibabes/pseuds/lizibabes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fill for the prompt body image issue for HC-bingo, nipples for Kinkbingo and pinning/unrequited love for Angst bingo. Adam is in love with Tommy, but he doesn't think he is good enough.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In The Mirror.

**Author's Note:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Deals with some self-hatred, so can be triggering, but not too dark.

Adam is getting ready for a night out with his friends, but he's come to a stop in front of the full length mirror he stupidly bought. He thought he was past finding fault after fault in his own body. He thought body image issues were something that got left behind once you were past your teenage years, but it's not worked out that way for him. He never seems to be happy with his weight, he hates his freckles, but today what has him in front of the mirror is his nipples. They both have two small bumps on either side that the guy who pierced him said would be gone by now. He's had other piercings before and the skin always went back to normal after so he still hopes his nipples will, but right now he doesn't even want to take his shirt off, he's been wearing a T-shirt to bed just so he doesn't have to see himself.

　

He knows it's a stupid thing to get worked up by, a small imperfection, but he can't help obsessing about it. He can't imagine being like Isaac at rehearsals, always chucking his shirt off when he gets too hot. Isaac clearly isn't ashamed by his body and why should he be? He's tiny and he doesn't have any scars on his nipples and Adam hates that he feels jealous of a friend and he thinks it doesn't help sometimes that he gets to see how close Tommy and Isaac are. It's not like Tommy and Adam aren't close, but he still gets jealous, which is stupid, Isaac is happily married and Tommy is mainly straight.

　

Adam always wants to ask what Tommy means by mainly straight, but he's never been brave enough. All of his friends go on about how Tommy is Adam's type and he is. Tommy is tiny and hot and he just hits so many of Adam's kinks, ticks all his boxes. But even if Tommy's straight is a little bendy Adam can't have him. Tommy might be his type, but Adam doubts he's Tommy's type. He's seen Tommy with girls, cute as hell, not perfect in that plastic way, but beautiful. What would he want with Adam and his freckly chest and weird nipples. So Adam has tried to keep his crush from Tommy, he's spent one tour pining and now he's about to spend another and tonight as well. Tommy will be out with them tonight and Adam will get to pine watching a man he's been in love with for forever with other people, people who look better than Adam. 

　

He finally picks a shirt, avoids looking in the mirror and goes downstairs to call a cab. He texts Brad to let him know he's on his way and he's soon in a busy noisy club squished between Brad and Dani, the table full of people he loves and he tries to shake off his bad mood because he doesn't want to ruin anyone else's night because he's having issues with his body. Just because he can't love himself the way he tells other people is no reason to bring all his friends down and he might not get to see them again before the tour kicks off again. 

　

He thinks he's doing okay until Isaac and Tommy show up. He's pleased to see them, it's what Brad notices first that has his mood darkening.

　

"Did you hook up with a vampire or a vacuum, Tommy Joe?" Brad asks and Adam eyes go right to the huge hickey high on Tommy's neck. It sits well above his collar, like someone wants it to be seen and Adam's heart aches at the idea of someone claiming Tommy, putting their mark on him.

　

"It's not what it looks like. I'm going to the bar, anyone want anything?" Tommy says in a rush and he's blushing and Adam is sure from that, that no matter what Tommy says the mark isn't nothing and it does mean something. 

　

A few people put in orders and Isaac heads with Tommy to the bar. While they are gone, Adam makes his escape from the table and heads for the bathroom. He goes to the sinks so he can pretend to be checking his makeup in the mirrors above them, but no one pays attention to him, the bathroom not that crowded. He wishes he hadn't picked to stare in the mirror, because he doesn't like what he sees. How could he ever think Tommy would want him? He can dye his hair, change his clothes, but underneath he's still the loser he was in high school, pining over one of his best friends for way too long, like a total loser. When Brad appears in the mirror beside him, he almost jumps out of his skin.

　

"Brad, you scared me," Adam scalds, fussing with his eyeliner, smudging it a little, just so it looks like he came in here for a reason.

　

"This unrequited love thing has gone on way too long. When are you just going to tell him that you like him?" Brad asks and he doesn't have to say who the he is, they both already know.

　

"Never," Adam says simply.

　

"So you're just going to pine forever? That's stupid Adam, the guy looks at you like the world revolves around you and I know he's not out and that could be an issue, but you shouldn't let it hold you back," Brad sighs and he's right. Tommy not being out would be an issue, but it's not the issue, the reason why Adam hasn't said a thing, just keeping his feelings to himself instead. 

　

"I'm not even his type," Adam shrugs.

　

"And you know this how? You've never seen him with a man, you don't know what kind of guy he'd go for and you're everyone's type," Brad says firmly and Adam can't help himself, he snorts.

　

"Exactly what part of that are you disagreeing with? Because I know you've never seen Tommy with a guy. You don't think you're everyone's type?" Brad asks as Adam straightens up, giving up on acting like he was in here for any real reason.

　

"No one is everyone's type," Adam points out, hoping Brad will drop the subject. How is he meant to tell an ex that he doesn't think of himself as attractive, at all?

　

"You're hot, that's most people's type," Brad says and Adam can't bring himself to even look at Brad.

　

"Oh my God, you don't believe me. You don't realize how hot you are, do you? Even after all this time, with all the people that want you, you still manage to find fault with yourself," Brad sounds stunned and when Adam looks at him he's staring, shock clear all over his face. 

　

"I'm not all that and I'm not going to embarrass myself by going after Tommy Joe and getting shot down," He's sure Tommy would be nice about it, he doesn't have a mean bone in his body, but rejection is rejection, no matter how nicely it's put. 

　

"You're hot Adam, more than that, you're handsome, why can't you see what we all see? You're gorgeous and I can tell by the way Tommy stares when he thinks no one is looking that he thinks so, too. What if he's pining for you, too, Adam? What if he's wanted you this whole time? Since the first tour. Are you just going to ignore that?" Brad asks and Adam shakes his head.

　

"Why would he want me? I don't want to look at me, why would he want to look at me?" Adam asks, wishing he could take back the words the moment they pass his lips. 

　

Brad doesn't say anything, he just moves forward and hugs Adam hard, not letting go and Adam can't help but respond, lifting his arms up and wrapping them around Brad's waist. He's been feeling so shitty lately and he doesn't know what to do about it. His confidence had been hard won and he doesn't know how he lost it. A few articles with a few insults, a few tweets, he'd let them get under his skin, he knows he has, but knowing that doesn't make him feel better about himself and doesn't tell him how to get rid of all the insecurities.

　

"You are a beautiful man inside and out, Adam, don't let anyone one tell you different, not even yourself, no one has the right to put you down and you have to fight, baby, be strong okay?" Brad says, looking up at Adam and that's when the door opens and Adam locks eyes with Tommy right as he freezes on the spot on the doorway.

　

"People were worried that maybe you'd gotten sick, you were gone for a while. I'll tell them you're fine," Tommy sounds weird and Adam realizes what it must look like, Adam and Brad so close in a damn bathroom, all over each other and Adam quickly steps out of the hug.

　

"That was not what it looked like," Adam says before Tommy can walk away.

　

"Sure," Tommy says, but his tone screams disbelief. 

　

"Don't be an idiot, Tommy, I was just being a friend and the two of you really need to talk, this is stupid. You've both been pining since the damn AMA's, maybe before that, I don't know, but you two need to face up to it. You like each other as more than friends," Brad says in a rush, sounding a little annoyed.

　

"You're crazy, Adam isn't pining over me," Tommy says, shaking his head and that was not what Adam had expected. He thought Tommy would deny pining for him. "Are you?" Tommy asks when Adam doesn't say anything and Adam might be imaging it, but he thinks Tommy sounds almost hopeful.

　

"Yeah, I guess I am, but you have someone, so there's no point talking about it," Adam says, gesturing to the hickey on Tommy's neck.

　

"I already said that wasn't what it looked like," Tommy insists and Adam hears Brad snort. "It isn't," Tommy says firmly.

　

"So what is it if it's not what it looks like?" Adam asks, because he still thinks maybe it's someone better looking than him, someone good enough to be with Tommy instead of being the loser pining over him.

　

"Isaac had this stupid idea and Sophie agreed. I wanted you to notice me and they said jealousy was a good way to get your attention. I didn't think you'd care, but they did, so Isaac did it," Tommy tells them, his face flushing bright red.

　

"Isaac gave you a hickey? That's kind of hot," Brad comments.

　

"You wanted my attention?" Adam asks, ignoring Brad's statement, even if it is kind of true. 

　

"Yeah, I mean everyone kept saying I was your type, but nothing I did seemed to get your attention. I figured everyone was wrong, that I'm not your type or you just don't want me, but I had to try, because I really like you and I wasn't ready to give up and I can't believe we're having this conversation in a club's men's room in front of your ex," Tommy groans.

　

"You want me?" He can't quite get that thought to stick, to process.

　

"I told you you're hot, now tell the boy you like him back before he dies of embarrassment," Brad says, elbowing Adam in the side.

　

"I do, I do want you," He still doesn't believe it, still thinks Tommy will take one look at him with his clothes off and run a mile, but Brad is kind of right and he needs to take a chance. If he never does he'll just go on pining after Tommy for the rest of his life. 

　

"Okay, progress, now you both need to go and talk somewhere that isn't here," Brad orders and he really isn't going to back down so Tommy end up saying goodbye to all his friends even though he's been there less than an hour. He ends up in the back of a taxi with Tommy, heading back to his house. Tommy is nervous and fidgety beside him and Adam is so worried that he's changed his mind, but once they are at Adam's house and he's paid for the taxi, Tommy doesn't seem like he wishes he was still in the taxi and when Adam gets his front door open, he realizes that maybe Tommy had been fidgeting for other reasons, because he ends up pinned to the hall wall with the front door still open, Tommy's tongue in his mouth, his smaller body pressed tight to Adam's and he has to tear his mouth away to talk.

　

"Door," He gasps and Tommy backs off long enough for Adam to shut his front door and then Tommy is all over his again, hands and lips and Adam can't help but respond. He's been pining after Tommy for a long time and even if he's terrified of what Tommy might think of his body, he can't resist Tommy, not after wanting this for so long. 

　

Somehow they make it up the stairs to Adam's bedroom and Adam goes tense when Tommy's hands go to his shirt buttons. Tommy had flicked the light on, he'll see every imperfection, but when Tommy gets his shirt open all he does is dip his head and suck Adam's nipple into his mouth, adding just the hint of teeth and Adam doesn't think he has ever been this hard in his life. Tommy takes the lead, stripping them both and his hands and mouth are everywhere, like he can't get enough of Adam. He doesn't seem to hate Adam's body the way he thought he would and it makes something in Adam shift. He doesn't suddenly think his body is perfect, he still doesn't like parts of himself, but he doesn't care about them the way he did before, because Tommy doesn't care. He feels sexy and desirable as Tommy moves to suck and nip at his other nipple and he wants more. He wants everything, so he finally takes the lead a little, manhandling Tommy till he's on the bed and Adam is on top so he can map out Tommy's body with his hands and tongue, tasting every bit of flesh he has dreamed about so many times before and he can't get enough of the way Tommy tastes and when he reaches Tommy's nipples he sucks one and rubs the other, wondering if he's as into getting them played with as he likes playing with other people's. From the moans and curses spilling past his lips he does like it, a lot, his hands in Adam's hair as he sucks and licks and bites. 

　

"Adam," Tommy moans and Adam lifts his head, but not before he flicks Tommy's nipple with his tongue one more time, loving the way Tommy arches beneath him.

　

"Tell me what you want, baby," Adam asks, because he's wanted Tommy for a long time and he thinks he could give Tommy anything he asked. He got naked for Tommy, despite the way he's been feeling about his body lately, it's a huge step, he knows that. He knows he'll still have issues with his body and maybe bad days when he hates himself, but right now he doesn't, because with Tommy, this beautiful man in his bed, Adam feels beautiful, too.

　

"I want you to fuck me. I've done it before, I swear, just please," Tommy begs and Adam doesn't answer right away, leaning down to suck Tommy's nipple into his mouth again, making Tommy moan loudly and Adam pulls back so he can get lube and a condom. Tommy rolls over without Adam asking, going up on his hands and knees on the bed and Adam has to wrap his hand around the base of his cock and think unsexy thoughts because he has never seen anything so stunning in his life and he gets to have it, have him.

　

Adam kneels behind Tommy and presses close, kissing his back and shoulders while he teases Tommy with lubed fingers. When he starts right off with two, Tommy moans his name, ragged and sexy as hell and Adam gets his other hand on Tommy's chest, pinching his nipples as he works his fingers in and out of Tommy's body. When Tommy can do nothing but cuss and beg, he rolls on the condom and start to press inside while Tommy just says 'yes' over and over again and when Adam starts to thrust, he doesn't seem able to get out any words till Adam pinches his nipple again and then he gets to hear his own name on a moan and Adam doesn't think he could ever get sick of hearing that. 

　

He thrusts into Tommy hard and fast, the desperation from pining for this for years making everything feel urgent and he keeps playing with Tommy's nipples, loving the little sounds he makes and he can't stop, but luckily Tommy seems just as into it as he is, a fact that's proved when Tommy comes without warning, from Adam's cock inside of him and his fingers on his nipples and Tommy feels so tight around him as he comes. Adam almost losses it right away, as it is he manages a few jerky thrusts and then his orgasm hits, stealing his breath and he all but collapses on top of Tommy, rolling off because he knows he must be heavy and Tommy is so much smaller than he is. 

　

Tommy gets out of bed and Adam is worried that he's going to get dressed and leave, but he just goes to the bathroom and comes back with a damp cloth to clean them both up and then he gets back in bed, fitting himself in under Adam's arm, cuddling close, his fingers on Adam's chest, circling his nipples, teasing gently.

　

"I guess we were both pretty stupid, pining over the same thing, when we could have had what we both wanted all along," Tommy says gently, his finger rubbing over Adam's nipple and making him shiver.

　

"Sometimes you have to wait for the really good things in life, makes you want them more," Adam points out and Tommy presses a kiss to his chest, right next to his still sensitive nipple. 

　

"Not getting rid of me now. Gonna leave my shit all around your house and keep you up all night, but I'll put out, so I think that's fair," Tommy tells him, settling against Adam's side, using Adam's chest as a pillow.

　

"Sounds fair to me," Adam says, smiling sleepily. Tommy has worn him out, but if Tommy wants him up all night, well Adam has a feeling he won't have a problem with that.

　

His insecurities won't leave just because he has the man he's been pining after, but he thinks having Tommy in his life, in his bed will help, because how can he not feel beautiful when he has Tommy's mouth on his skin? How can he feel ugly when Tommy is playing with his nipples and looking at him like he's something perfect. The world isn't perfect, but Adam has a feeling that life with Tommy will feel like perfection anyway.

　

The End.


End file.
